PARIS HILTON IS A SLIMY HO.

JUST IN CASE YOU FORGOT. REPORTS SAY THAT THIS IDIOT IS ACTUALLY GOING TO HIRE A DOG TO ACCOMPANY HER TO SOME BRIT AWARDS SHOW. FIRST OFF, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LIMEYS REWARDING HER FOR? SECONDLY, PARIS HILTON IS A DOG KILLER!! I AM URGING ALL YOU BRIT PUPS TO CONVERGE ON THAT CEREMONY AND CEREMONIOUSLY PISS ON EVERY DESIGNER GOWN YOU CAN FIND. I MEAN, IS THIS ANY WAY TO HOLD A DOG?




IS SHE STRANGLING THE DOG HERE? QUITE!:

¡MUERDA SUS ENTRERROSCAS APAGADO, TINKERBELL! GRRR.

CELEBS SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO HAVE DOGS (ESPECIALLY THAT DOG-KILLING WHORE PARIS). CATS ARE OK, THEY'RE ALL STUCK-UP PUSSIES ANYWAY. BUT WITH A CELEB, A DOG JUST CAN'T BE A DOG. CASE IN POINT: THE CHI-TRIB REPORTS ON A NEW MAG CALLED THE HOLLYWOOD DOG, AN OBVIOUSLY HUMAN VENTURE THAT CONTAINS A "DOGGIE PSYCHIC," "PUPERAZZI PICS" OF DOGS AND THEIR CELEBS, AND EVEN OBITUARIES. JESUS. CAN I GET A COLLECTIVE SNEER? WHAT WE NEED IS A SCRATCH-N-SNIFF, GODDAMMIT.