A GOOD NIGHT

PERHAPS TO MAKE UP FOR THE DISMAL CAT DREAM YESTERDAY, I WAS ALLOWED TO LICK SOME STINKY FISH REMNANTS OFF A BBQ GRILL AND LICK SOME USED HAMBURGER PLATES. THE JOY! MAYBE MY EUPHORIA WAS TOO LONG LIVED BECAUSE I ALLOWED A MAILMAN TO PET ME THIS A.M. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.

MY IDIOT OWNER

THE GUY WHO SUPPOSEDLY "OWNS" ME, THE PERSON I TOLERATE BECAUSE HE FEEDS ME FOR FREE (SUCKER), HAD A RETARDED DREAM LAST NIGHT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THE MORON TOLD ME ABOUT IT, BUT HE DREAMT THAT I BECAME FRIENDS WITH A ... CAT!!!

AS FUCKING IF!
MY DAY IS ABSOLUTELY RUINED NOW.

NOW LISTEN HERE

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT SOME PEOPLE THINK THEIR DOGS ARE BETTER THAN ME. EVEN TO THE EXTENT THAT THEY POST PICTURES OF THEM ON THE WEB.

I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THERE ARE NO DOGS BETTER THAN ME! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

AND TAKE THOSE UGLY PICTURES OFF THE WEB.

FUCKING RAIN

DO I WANT TO GET WET? NO! BUT TODAY I HAD TO SIT IN THE RAIN OUTSIDE THE STARBUCKS BECAUSE SOME ASSHOLE DIDN'T HAVE COFFEE BEANS. I'M NOT GONNA SAY WHO, BUT HE KNOWS WHO HE IS. THEN, UPON RETURN, I HAD TO SUBJECT MYSELF TO A TOWLING. JESUS CHRIST. I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO TAKE A SHIT!

WHY I CHASE CATS

FOR BREAKFAST TODAY I HAD A NIP OF CAT SHIT. I THINK IT WAS TABBY, MAYBE CALICO. IT WAS RICH, ROBUST, SLIGHTLY WARM AND HAD A NICE TOUCH OF VERMICULITE. TRES GOURMET!

MY ASS, YOUR YARD

HEY YOU AT 2237 YAKIMA STREET. I TOOK A DUMP IN YOUR YARD. LET'S SEE YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Your dog is nothing.

I PEE ON YOUR DOG! I PEE ON HIM! YOUR DOG IS NO MATCH FOR ME!