Wednesday, June 29, 2005

MY IDIOT OWNER


THE GUY WHO SUPPOSEDLY "OWNS" ME, THE PERSON I TOLERATE BECAUSE HE FEEDS ME FOR FREE (SUCKER), HAD A RETARDED DREAM LAST NIGHT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THE MORON TOLD ME ABOUT IT, BUT HE DREAMT THAT I BECAME FRIENDS WITH A ... CAT!!!

AS FUCKING IF!
MY DAY IS ABSOLUTELY RUINED NOW.

7 comments:

i heart cats said...

boy it doesn't take much to ruin your day, does it. hey doggie - BOO! ha ha ha

TG said...

maybe if you were a little more willing to hang out with different breeds of animals, you wouldn't have such a bad disposition.

TG said...

bad disposition = ill temper = distemper = bullet to the head, if you catch my drift

Twisted Dog said...

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY DISPOSITION. I QUITE LIKE IT, AS A MATTER OF FACT. ANYBODY WHO TRIES TO SHOOT ME IS GONNA HAVE A WET LEG.

condog14 said...

Your "owner" is a sucker indeed. As Stephen Budiansky (author of "The Truth About Dogs: An Inquiry into the Ancestry, Social Conventions, Mental Habits, and Moral Fiber of Canis Familiaris) writes:

"Calling dogs parasites is fighting words, but what can I say? Dogs have got us exactly were they want us, and we, idiotic grins fixed to our faces, go along with it all. If we can manage to don our unsentimental evolutionary spectacles, dogs loom large as a huge net biological burden upon mankind, competing for food, diverting vast economic assets in the form of labor and capital, spreading disease, causing serious injury. Dogs may not quite reach the perfection of the cuckoo in their parasitism on human society—-they have not quite displaced human children, at least not in most households, at least not yet-—but it is striking that dogs in the United States bite a million people a year seriously enough to require medical attention, most of them children; dogs actually manage to kill twelve people a year, again mostly children. Insurance companies pay out a quarter of a billion dollars a year in claims arising from dog bites, with total costs to society estimated at more than a billion dollars.

"A billion dollars, though, is canine chump change when it comes to diverting the wealth of one's best friends. Most dogs weigh less than most people (though the trend toward larger and larger dogs, especially in cities, is growing dramatically), but they consume about twice as much food per pound of body weight; factoring all of this together, it works out that the 55 million canine residents of the United States eat about as much as the entire human population of the greater Los Angeles metropolitan area, at a cost of more than $5 billion a year. Veterinary services currently add about $7 billion a year to the economic tab. The market for canine health care is, however, growing rapidly thanks to the twin forces of high-technology and "alternative" veterinary medicine on the one hand, and the apparently limitless guilt of owners on the other. The New York Times reports that dog owners are lining up for veterinary acupuncture sessions at $75 per half hour and described the case of a young couple in Greenwich Village who had worked their way through $3,500 for hydrotherapy treatments for their twelve-year-old Shih Tzu, recovering from disk surgery. Canine behavioral therapy is a booming business, as are canine cancer surgery and chemotherapy, canine CT scans, and canine ophthalmology.

"No one has calculated the economic cost represented by the time people spend picking up the 2 million tons of dog feces deposited annually on American streets, parks, and yards, but it must be considerable. Two million tons is a difficult figure to comprehend. By way of comparison, the United States each year produces 3 million tons of aluminum and 4 million tons of cotton. The 4 billion gallons of dog urine generated each year in the United States, on the other hand, could fill all the wine bottles from a full year's output of the vineyards of France, Italy, Spain, and the United States combined, if, as Groucho Marx once said in a slightly different context, that's your idea of a good time.

"Dogs, and their copious effusions, are significant vectors and reservoirs for more than sixty-five diseases that can be passed to humans, many of them too revolting or hair-raising to be mentioned in a book that may be read by small children or those of a sensitive nature. A few of the more mentionable ones are rabies, tuberculosis, Rocky Mountain spotted fever, and histoplasmosis."

Keep up the good work, Twisted Dog! We know who's *really* at the top of the food chain

Twisted Dog said...

HEY, CORNHOLE, YOU WANT TO START LINKING TO ITEMS LIKE THIS, NOT TAKING UP VALUABLE REAL ESTATE HERE. RIGHT?

RIGHT.

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