BE HEELED.

OK, SOME NITWIT IN INDIA IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOGS BEING IN A HOSPITAL. I'M SURE THERE'S PLENTY OF THINGS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IN INDIA (THEY LET COWS WALK AROUND UNBRIDLED AND LEAKING MILK EVERYWHERE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE), BUT HERE IN AMERICA WE KNOW HAVING DOGS AROUND ACTUALLY HELPS PATIENTS RECOVER.

SO ALL YOU DOGS IN INDIA ARE COMMANDED TO IMMEDIATELY BUG OUT TO THE HOSPITAL AND BIVOUAC IN THE SURROUNDING AREA. SUPPORT YOUR FELLOW TROOPS INSIDE, AND TRY (I KNOW IT'S HARD) NOT TO IMPEDE INCOMING AND OUTGOING MAIL DELIVERIES.
AND FINALLY, WE'VE HAD SOME SUCCESS WITH HUMANS. INCREASINGLY, NO LONGER ARE WE LEFT OUTSIDE WITHOUT WATER OR FOOD, OR CHAINED TO A TREE OR SOMETHING THAT MAKES US WANT TO KILL KILL KILL!!! THE TIMES HAS A PRETTY GOOD ARTICLE ON JOHN GROGAN'S BOOK, "MARLEY AND ME," AND THE NATIONAL OBSESSION WITH DOG TRAINING. YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE STILL HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT A DOG IS A DOG AND WILL ALWAYS BEHAVE LIKE A DOG. I DON'T CARE IF THERE'S A PRIEST VISITING THE HOUSE OR WHAT, WE'LL NEVER USE A KNIFE AND FORK!

SO FOR ALL YOU DOGS, A QUESTION: WHAT DO YOUR PEOPLE DO WHEN YOUR INNER DOG GETS THE BEST OF YOU?