SNIFF THIS!

HERE'S ANOTHER CASE OF USELESS DOG BASHING! YOU'LL NOTE THE LOUSY HEADLINE LAYS THE BLAME ON THESE POOR WORKING DOGS WHEN, IN FACT, IT'S THE HANDLERS WHO'RE LAZY, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING A-HOLES. I'M SURE THE DOGS WERE JUST WAITING FOR THE EXPLOSIVES TO BLOW THE TRAINERS TO SMITHEREENS. CHICAGOANS, THESE DOGS WERE WILLING TO SACRIFICE THEIR LIVES FOR YOUR SAFETY.

AS IS SADIE A BRITISH LAB SNIFFER WHO'S UP FOR A DICKIN MEDAL, WHICH IS THE ANIMAL EQUIVALENT OF THE VICTORIA CROSS. I BET NO CAT HAS EVER BEEN AWARDED ONE. AND IF ONE HAS, IT'S A DAMN SHAME. SADIE HAS BEEN CREDITED WITH SAVING COUNTLESS LIVES. AND HUMAN ONES AT THAT. GOOD JOB SADIE!


FINALLY, WHILE I GENERALLY APPLAUD MOVIE-STAR DOGS, THIS ONE NEEDS AN AGENT.
WHO NEEDS A TIM ALLEN REMAKE OF THE SHAGGY DOG WHEN THE O.G. WAS SO GODDAMNED GOOD? GET A BETTER SCRIPT READER, MUTT. AND, TIM ALLEN, PLEASE QUIT MAKING MOVIES.