UP THE BEACH

I WENT COASTAL YESTERDAY! THERE'S NO SEAGULL ALIVE THAT DOESN'T FEAR ME!!!! NO DUNE I HAVEN'T PEED ON!!!! NO SAND CRAB I HAVEN'T CHASED BACK DOWN HIS HOLE!!! I RULE THE BEACH!!!

You're lazy

BUT I'M NOT

JUST RIDICULOUS

TODAY I GOT YELLED AT TWICE FOR TRYING TO CHASE CATS. WHY CAN'T I CHASE CATS? CATS CHASE BIRDS, MICE, CRICKETS AND ALL SORTS OF SHIT. I PROMISE I'D NEVER LEAVE A DEAD CAT ON ANYBODY'S DOORSTEP OR TORTURE THE THING (MUCH). IT'S JUST RACISM.

IDIOTS

TODAY SOME LADY PETTED ME ON THE HEAD AND THEN REMARKED THAT SHE HATED DOGS. DO YOU SEE HOW IRRESISTIBLE I AM?

INTERNET PORN

I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I SO GET OFF TO THESE PICS. I COULD JUST LICK MYSELF ALL DAY LONG TO THEM. THOUGH, I'D PROBABLY BE DOING THAT ANYWAY.

SAPS

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO LEFT YOUR INFORMATION AT THE STOP SIGN. I'VE SENT ALL YOUR PERSONAL BUSINESS TO SPAMMERS AND IDENTITY THIEVES. AS IF I'D HAVE A PARTY AND INVITE YOU.

R.S.V.PEE

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LETTERS OF CONCERN WHILE I WAS UNEXPECTEDLY ABSENT YESTERDAY, YOU UNCARING BASTARDS.

I'M HAVING A SMALL GET-TOGETHER THIS WEEKEND IN HONOR OF THE INTERNATIONAL BEER FEST. IF YOU PLAN TO COME, PLEASE LEAVE A SQIRT AT THE STOP SIGN ON THE CORNER OF 22ND AND MAIN THAT INCLUDES YOUR BREED, SEX, AGE AND VACCINATION STATUS. NO NEUTERED MALES (LIKE THE GUY ABOVE).

TODAY SUCKS

THERE'S NO SUN. IT'S GRAY AND COLD OUTSIDE AND THAT MAKES LYING ON THE FRONT PORCH INTOLERABLE. IT SUCKS. FUCK EVERYTHING.

THE WHEEL THING

OK, I THINK I HAVE FINALLY REALIZED THAT BICYCLES THEMSELVES ARE NOT TO BE SCARED OF, CHASED OR BARKED AT. I CAN DEAL. IT'S THE PEOPLE THAT ARE ON THE BIKES THAT ARE THE ASSHOLES. AND I CAN'T GET AT THEM BECAUSE THEY CHEAT BY RIDING THE BIKES REALLY FAST.

SKATEBOARDS ARE ANOTHER STORY. I HATE THEM. I GOT SMACKED PRETTY GOOD THE OTHER DAY FOR GOING AFTER ONE. BUT IT WAS ALL WORTH IT BECAUSE I GOT A PIECE OF SOME SKATE PUNK. THAT'LL TEACH HIM TO RIDE BY ME.

PIC'D UP

HERE IS A PIC SENT TO ME BY A FRIEND. NOTE ITS SIZE. IT'S DOG SIZED. IT IS A PICTURE OF A FAR-AWAY BEACH, WHERE DOGS ROAM FREE. FREE TO RUN IN THE SAND. FREE TO ROLL IN FISH GUTS. FREE TO CHASE SEAGULLS. FREE.

ALSO, POODLES SUCK.

Walk on

HAPPY FRIGGIN' 4TH.

I HAD A MUCH BETTER WEEKEND THAN YOU DID. I WENT ON A MASSIVE HIKE AND SMELLED ALL SORTS OF CRAZY SHIT, FROM BEETLES TO BEAR CRAP. AND ON MONDAY I BARKED MY ASS OFF AT THE FIREWORKS. I'D GO ON, BUT I DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT HOW MUCH YOUR PITIFUL CELEBRATIONS SUCKED.

I HAVE TO BE NICE

MY "OWNER'S" LITTER MATE GOT A FINE EXAMPLE OF A HOUND RECENTLY. I SAY FINE BECAUSE IT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME, EXCEPT NOT NEARLY AS CUTE. BUT PLACING THAT KIND OF EXPECTATION ON ANYBODY IS TOTALLY UNFAIR. CHECK OUT "MOON PIE."